Sometimes Words Just Can't Explain

I have this sudden urge to change. I have so many morals and beliefs and expectations of myself and I have this impulse to just throw them all to the wind.

The other night (or, morning since I'm so nocturnal) I was talking to my friend about my morals and beliefs and how I want my life to go and how youth is today and just for some reason I want to be the complete opposite.

I don't know what I'm talking about really. I've been reading about Woodstock '69, I recently watched Almost Famous and everyone on tumblr posts these really ~hipster images and perhaps the amount of time I spend lurking on there is starting to rub off on me.

I have so much going through my mind right now. Of course I do, though, it's almost 4am.

Can a human ACTUALLY be nocturnal? I swear I am. I'm not an insomniac because I can sleep just fine, just, during the day.

I finished up my Christmas shopping today ($10 dvd player, hell yeah) and I bought myself new underwear. Ever since I stopped buying Fruit of the Loom in the 5-pack bag, I've spent a lot on underwear. They're pretty expensive individually, I tell ya. I needed underwear that doesn't create panty lines (tmi, helloooo) so I bought these ones that are made of that micro-fiber stuff and spandex and my GOD they are definitely worth the $10 I paid for each (heh, $10 underwear, I know, grandmother would not approve). These things are so comfortable and non-thong and NO panty lines at all. They're miracle panties, I swear.

Things taste better in a juicebox.

People who give their all in relationships and let themselves be completely vulnerable for long periods of time are so brave. I'm actually so scared to fall in love, but at the same time I'm so excited, if that makes any sense. Like, you see pictures and watch movies and hear songs about fall that you can't help but be excited for it to happen to you, but at the same time my negativity and glass half empty side comes out and I think how awful it will be to be heartbroken. Like, my worst heartbreak was over a "relationship" that lasted a month! (Although, things did go really fast with that one) and I seriously felt like a hole was punched in my stomach and my heart was in my throat. It as just awful and I'm scared of what it will be like when I'm actually in love with someone and they break my heart.

Why am I such a hypocrite? Like, I always say personality comes first, well, ok, no, I'm not a hypocrite (welcome to the inside of my fast-paced, contradicting mind btw). When I say personality is first and foremost the most important thing I do mean that in sense that I would never go for a really hot guy who can't spell the word orange and has named his biceps.
Ok, what I'm TRYING to get at is the fact that there is a guy with an amazing personality who is totally into me but I'm not ~sexually attracted to him and it makes me feel like such a dick. But you can't make yourself like someone, right? And it's not just his looks, I mean, he's adorable it's not like he's ugly or something, but I just feel like it would be way too weird to kiss him or to hold his hand and romantical stuff like that. He's like, a brother? No. Just, ugh excuse me while I be too cliche, I just don't see him as anything more than just a friend.

I may have the bladder of a camel (camels have large bladders right? Or, they store it in their humps or something?) Who cares? I have to PEE.

Oh, and I won't be changing anytime soon. My morals and beliefs and self-expectations have really helped me in life so far so I tend to keep them in tact, but sometimes it's interesting to think how my life would be different.

Oooh, Andy Warhol, I'm so hipster. Except I actually do like a few of his quotes.