(440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

(216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.


(815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.


(209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment


(248): I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

(269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.


(804): my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

(678): Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.


(806): my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.


(216): i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.


(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...


(401): how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
(617): how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?


(832): super hot butfun
(832): Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.


(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.




... I spend way too much time of TFLN. Maybe I should go study for my exams. But, quick story. Whilst learning about reproduction, my grade 11 biology teacher would give birth to himself. That text up there reminded me of that. FOUGERE! Best teacher ever.