Say What You Need to Say

I'm slightly introverted when it comes to emotions. I don't know why though, it's not like I get it from my let's-hold-hands-and-kiss-in-public parents. I certainly don't get it from the television shows I grew up watching (and still watch) because if you've seen Full House, you know the Tanner's are definitely not afraid to show emotion and Corey and Topanga's relationship is envied by BMW fans everywhere. I'm not sure what my deal is though.

It's mainly just the two strongest emotions I think, love and hatred.

Alright, with hatred I wouldn't go so far to use the word 'hate'. But if I'm upset, I mostly just don't come right out and say it. And when the person asks me about it, I'd rather not get into it. Today for example, which I won't get into. (HOLY WHOA, totes magotes didn't even mean to do that, but there's just further proof by avoiding it haha)

For love, it has to do with affection and the coming out and saying it and realizing I've fallen for someone. Not admitting to myself or to my friends but to that person. Fear of rejection? Fear of commitment? Fear of getting hurt in the long run? MAYBEZ but it's a barrier in my life that I'm trying my best to overcome.
I mean, I have this boy who's totally into me and is nothing but sweet to me but I can't help but try to find something wrong and constantly go over in my head trying to pin-point pet peeves or annoyances or something that'll excuse us not getting together.

If you ever go to my tumblr (link in the sidebar, hai youtubez), all the quotes and images I post have to do with my life at the moment. Like today I posted this quote:

Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparations. - Jane Austen

and

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. - Thomas S. Szasz

The first one mainly having to do with diving head-first into this ~relationship I have going for me. If it makes me happy I should just go for it.
The second, I was upset at someone (perhaps the someone I keep picking apart in my mind? hm..) so I just needed to remind myself that it's healthy to forgive but I know I won't forget. Mostly I won't forget the awful feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when he told me how he was worried about me and he was sorry for whatever he did and how awful he felt. When, thinking back, it wasn't even that big of a deal. I sometimes tend to take situations and slightly blow them out of proportion.

Letting others know how you feel and communication is a good thing, though. Kind of ironic that communication was always my lowest grade on tests (we grade using the stupid TACK system, Thinking Application Communication Knowledge).

I'm just nervous though because I've never ever let down my walls like I am with this certain situation. I'm letting myself be completely vulnerable and it scares me a little.

But I'm working on it, alright!?

Here's a start -
I LOVE my Halloween costume this year. It's very pretty.
But I HATE that my mom cooked ham for dinner, yuck.

Holla John Mayer title