Late Night Rambles

I suddenly feel like blogging and since it now is technically Friday (and I know I won't do it later) I'll do a new music number as well.

Ok now you're about to experience the inside of my head, try to keep up because half the time even I'm confused.

I know I'd blogged about this before, but I get this feeling so often I actually think about changing myself. Ok, what am I talking about? I wish I wasn't such a prude. I mean, I'm not even really that much of a prude, only on the outside I am. With PDA I'll always be a prude because it's tacky. Well, a cute little peck is cute, but full on making out is just distasteful, no one wants to see y'all doing the nasty. I like wearing tight and short clothing on occasion. Well, I would if I had the body for it, but I'm working on that ok.

I love being 20 and no longer being in the teenager label, but I hate how my mother is treating me lately. She says things like "You shouldn't even be wearing low rise jeans, you're not a teenager anymore". Honey, I'll be wearing low rise jeans as long as I fit in them, even if I have grandchilren. There is no age limit with low rise jeans. They're a hell of a lot better than mom jeans.

She's also been on a case a LOT lately about gaining weight. First of all, I've only gained like 10 pounds. Secondly, if she wants me to be thin (which when put like that is disgusting, she should love me no matter what size) then she should encourage me to exercise and eat right, not make fun of my size. I bought these jeans at Costco and she made me go two sizes larger than normal. They were huge, ok. Normally jeans are always to big in the waist on me and then too tight in the thighs but these damn things were baggy all over. She told me these were fine because I've been gaining weight and I'm too lazy to keep up with my exercising. Then, in front of my dad and my boyfriend, she says to me "Those jeans are too tight on you" so I said "I can't help it, my clothes don't fit right anymore" and she says "Well, I didn't make you eat those extra cheeseburgers". I don't even care if she says she was joking, I felt like punching her in the face right then. I mean, yeah so what, I've gained a few pounds, but it's not like I'm overweight. People would kill for the body I have right now (my mom included..). So what if I can't wear a bikini at this point in time? There was only about two years of my life when I could (not including age 6 and under because I was a twig then). I'm trying and giving my best effort to slim down, and she should be encouraging me and saying that she believes I can do it rather than shoot me down.

I wish I partied and had wild stories and experiences and done stupid stuff. I come home 10 minutes past midnight on a weekday and I get yelled and lectured at. My brother was in a hit and run while he was drunk and gets sympathy. I do nothing wrong so whenever I do one tiny little minuscule mess up, it's like I'm a crazed wild child. It's like my brother can do wrong over and over and now they're just used to it. It's just not fair. I can't even be hung over or I'll never hear the end of it, and my whole family will hear about it. Granted, I've only been hung over twice in my life, but both of those times I had to turn my acting skills on high.

Then I go to the side of me that shines through brightest; I don't even like drinking or staying out late or being rebellious. I don't like bars or being promiscuous or swearing. I like kittens and crafts and board games. I like smoothies and shopping and clean music. I like my religion, it calms me down and gives me a sort of peace.

I'll probably continue to be the goody-two-shoes Jessica I've always been. It's just more natural for me. I'm trying to be less of a prude and I'm trying to get healthy and happy. I'll even try to stop laughing at Sean when he gets all mushy and lovey-dovey. That will be a hard one though.

30 Days of Music
Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio - The Show by Lenka. It's such a cute song and no one ever knows this song, but it's one of my favourites.